Monday, February 2, 2009

A clean bill of health for Ben Franklin;

They had barely made it up to highway speed before Melbourne felt it necessary to ask Andrea for a refund. "I don't think I can afford the purchase of your story," he explained. It had been less than 20 minutes since the transaction, and this was clearly a matter of an impulse buy, and not buyers regret, so she amicably ventured, "You got a better idea?" Melbourne had some experience of the financing necessary for fertilizing an imagination, and the bank account in Sydney was FAR FROM BROKE. The seeds of doubt had germinated quickly by the following mechanism. "What if the whole thing is a Mafia money laundering strategy instead?" he asked. Sam could see how this advanced his own theory. "They'd be subsidizing public education then," he submitted. "How do they do it?"

"[First off, the Mafia owns the whole shootin' match outright, with Lieutenant's, Accountants and Delivery Boys. They'd buy the worlds cheapest newsprint, the cheapest ink, and print the cheapest stories, with the cheapest shots about the cheapest stars. The drug distributors would provide baggies in exchange on trade for certified current copies. Every issue would have a different date, and only be good for exchange until the expiration date. Meanwhile, the Mafia would take in advance payments of all cash tender that other Cartels needed laundered. Then, under the guise of washing them in a money laundry such as Sam worked at, they'd deposit it in the bank as a cash transaction profit from their rag. They'd make the press copy counters show as many copies as they needed to account for all the profits, and meanwhile use the actual over-runs as tinder in the furnace at the physical plant. Every quarter they would claim it all as income, and pay taxes on it as they needed. If the State used only Sales Tax, all the better... the cost of doing business is ostensibly taken care of right up front. Time lag would be a problem, but the money in the bank would be unimpeachable from an IRS standpoint. Use wire transfers to pay back the competition, and collect props from all the other criminals for the quality of their services.]"

"That's actually called 'integration,' and they've used it at Six Flags Over New Jersey for forever." Sam agreed. "Instead of making the press copy counters corrupted, it's the turn-stiles." Andrea contemplated her nails for a minute or two. "Put me down for 7 or eight tons," she finally ventured. "That may be a little strange to experienced Texans, but it'll sell like hot-cakes in Canada. They have no real experience of true integration!" "Be kind," Sam said reproachfully. "They never had segregation in the first place." "Yeah? Well they never had dollars either, and their Euros come in dollar coins they call 'Looneys.'" "In all profit there is risk," Melbourne sagely added. "I can't eat self respect," agreed Andrea capitulating. Sam had been ginning the seeds out of the cotton of this discussion and finally made his own admission sorrowfully. “Maybe the Mafia charges the Church of Scientology a nominal fee to use the rag for Church Bulletin content,” he lamented. “That would be the very DEATH of my education theory.” Andrea took his hand gently and held it comforting him. “Good application of out-sourcing,” Melbourne concluded. A passing Eighteen Wheeler pealed a substantial blast on his fog horn and Sam felt better.

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